Those Advice given by A Parent That Helped Us as a New Dad

"I think I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."